Several years ago, I was invited to attend a dinner for McKean County’s Foster Parent Appreciation Month.
May is the month set aside to honor foster families.
First, let me tell you something about reporters — when there’s a chance of being fed at an event, reporters fight over who gets to go. Newsrooms across the nation have pizza on election night, mostly, I think, to be sure that reporters show up.
Well, this invitation came to me from another person named Marcy — Flickinger, that is. She is the foster care and adoption supervisor for McKean County Children and Youth Services.
I wondered what I could write about at this event, but I thought I could muddle through and come up with something.
Little did I know how wrong I would be. It wasn’t a matter of coming up with something to write about, it was a matter of how do I narrow down all the amazing things foster parents do into a story?
One year, I spoke to Tom and Rene Williams, a couple who took on tough cases of children who were harder to place in foster homes. They spoke about how life with foster children isn’t easy, but it is very rewarding. Rene shared how one of their former charges comes back to visit often, and brings them his girlfriends to meet.
One thing Rene said really stuck with me. “It’s kind of hard when families think you are stealing their children. We’re not. Our goal is to get them back” to their homes.
Another year I spoke to Rae El and Danyelle Whitman, a same-sex married couple who ended up adopting the twins they fostered. The two were the first same-sex couple to adopt through Children and Youth Services.
The loving couple hoped the community would be open-minded. What they found was an incredible blessing. Folks in their hometown of Kane turned out in droves with help and support.
Rae El said it can be tough, but encouraged others to join the foster parent program.
“As long as you’re in it to make sure that kiddo is going to have the best experience possible, it’s one of the most rewarding things you can do in life.”
Kelly Compton, foster parent and director of curriculum and instruction at Bradford Area School District, often serves as speaker for these dinners. She exudes positivity, and shares her own experiences in a loving and amusing manner. “My one wish would be to teach people the lessons I have learned,” she said at one year’s dinner. “As foster parents, you have each been called to do some difficult work. You have to know you’re going to fail. My mantra is to fail fast and fail often.”
The foster parents at the 2019 event ranged from four months of experience in the system to 22 years. Marcy, Lisa Johnston and Sue Hogue from the foster care program host the event.
This year, because of the COVID-19 pandemic, the event was canceled.
While it’s sure to be disappointing to the foster families, who are treated to an evening out with free babysitting and a nice meal, along with several prizes, I have to admit I was disappointed, too.
The families in the foster parent program aren’t looking for kudos. And they sure aren’t looking for a reporter to ask them a bunch of questions. They all look a little shell shocked at the appreciation events, like they aren’t used to praise or kudos for what they do.
I have a tremendous appreciation for foster families’ willingness to share their homes and their hearts with a child in need, and a family in crisis.
As an added note, years ago Marcy gave me a plant that had served as a centerpiece for a table at the appreciation dinner. I took it home and named it Kevin. His picture is what accompanies this column.
Why? Because in a tiny way, Kevin reminds me of the larger importance of what foster parents do. They bring into their homes someone else’s child to love, nurture and care for. And to help the child grow.
So this month, and every month, I want to pass along my appreciation to foster families. Thank you for what you do. You are making a bigger difference than you can ever know.
(Marcie Schellhammer is the Era’s assistant managing editor. She can be reached at marcie@bradfordera.com.)
