As I’m preparing to celebrate the life of my father, who recently passed away, I have been told on many occasions in the past week that he was the epitome of what a good man is.
I tried to honor him by not cursing under my breath as I read in Thursday’s newspaper an article from the Tribune News Service highlighting a study from the American Psychological Association that says that “traditional masculinity is harmful.”
No, ladies and gentlemen, traditional masculinity is NOT harmful. Reading through the study from the APA, I see them describe some very serious problems that our culture needs to address. Male suicide rates are staggering. Sexual assault, domestic violence, crime — these statistics are increasing among males across the country, and they feel like a punch in the gut.
Unfortunately, though, what has happened, is the APA has created a straw man. Instead of getting to the roots of the problem, they have attacked the very solution to the problems!
The “traditional masculinity” described by the APA is a gross caricature. This mischaracterization of masculinity is a sentiment that has been growing for years. The idea that since men commit murder, since men commit violence, since men are rapists, or sexually exploit women, then masculinity itself is to blame.
The APA study is actually attacking the solution to the problems they describe. The statistics quoted in their study seem to indicate that traditional masculinity itself is to blame for the higher rates of violence from men.
Additional statistics, from a variety of sources but compiled by the National Fatherhood Initiative shows that 23.6 percent of children in the U.S. are from father-absent homes; 279 percent of father-absent youth are more likely to carry guns and deal drugs. Sixty-three percent of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. Youths who never had a father living with them have the highest incarceration rates. A high percentage of youth involved in gangs come from fatherless homes. Eighty-percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes;
85 percent of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.
I suggest that the very societal ailments that the APA claims are because of traditional masculinity, may in fact be prevented by the presence of a traditionally masculine father.
Growing up, my father wrestled with my brother and I all the time. He taught us to be physically strong and able to defend ourselves, something the APA would no doubt frown upon. He taught me that fighting was to be a last resort, that I should try using my wits, my words and my patience before anything else.
No one likes violence — but the truth is, it exists in this world. Violence is born out of anger and a lack of self-control. Two more things that my father taught me to manage. A boy standing up to a bully is not violence, it is self-defense. The idea that traditional masculinity is violent is hogwash. Traditional masculinity uses strength to protect the innocent.
My father also taught me how to express what I felt. I saw him cry while watching “The Champ” with a little Ricky Schroeder. I laughed at him. He immediately rented a VCR (in those days, we had to rent them) and a VHS copy of “Where the Red Fern Grows” so that he could show me exactly how it felt to cry while watching a movie.
“It’s OK to cry, Josh. You can cry when you’re happy, when you’re sad, when you’re angry. Don’t ever laugh at a man for crying.”
You may think that doesn’t sound like traditional masculinity. If you do, you’ve never stood close to the honor guard at a military funeral while “Taps” is being played in the distance.
The comic-strip version of masculinity painted in the APA study is nothing like the masculinity that I have seen portrayed by most of the men in my life. I’ve known men who fought in wars to liberate the Jews from Hitler. I’ve known men who sewed their own buttons on their clothes. I’ve known men who talked with a lisp and wore paisley shirts, and men who could chop down trees and run heavy equipment. The “traditional masculinity” that I’ve known has never looked like the narrow views of masculinity presented in this article, released by a supposed reliable scientific association.
The answers are not to eschew masculinity. We need to affirm the masculinity, the rough and tumble, the competition and the discipline needed to teach boys right from wrong. We need to be able to give them safe avenues to express themselves, and to model for them what it means to accept and love people. We need to teach them things like honor, perseverance, integrity, adventure, justice, tenderness, determination, hope, love, peace and freedom are all masculine virtues, and they are a part of what it means to be a man.
(Josh Hatcher is a resident of Bradford. He runs a website called manlihood.com)
