’Tis the season.
That phrase covers a lot of bases. Ugly sweaters, kids on a sugar high, some awful movies on television, and the same songs on repeat in stores, from Halloween through the end of the year.
Many years ago, when I was in college — and right about the time O.J. went on a low-speed chase in a white Ford Bronco — I worked in the bakery of a local grocery store. I distinctly remember the in-store music one year at Christmas time would play the song “I’ll Be Home With Bells On” every 20 minutes.
Day in and day out. That’s a lot of Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton.
“Trim the tree and wrap the presents, turn the Christmas music on, I’ll be home with bells on.”
When I hear that song, I am transported back to those days of brown aprons and orange hats, slicing loaf after loaf of fresh, hot Italian bread. Meeting so many people who have become lifelong friends. Learning so much about the community and all its people.
“Frosty the Snowman” is another trip down memory lane — childhood nights with a cup of hot cocoa, listening to the unforgettable voice of Burl Ives as Sam the Snowman.
Some of the Christmas songs I hear take me back to the days of Sunday School and the hard tack candy we’d often get as a treat. Listening to “We Three Kings,” I can almost taste the cinnamon, always my favorite.
It’s funny how something as common as a song can bring back such wonderful memories.
I remember being in the Christmas pageant at church, and speaking the part that Linus speaks in “A Charlie Brown Christmas” — Luke 2:8-14 from the Bible, the true meaning of Christmas.
The song “Little Drummer Boy” gets me every time. I can’t make it through the song without tears.
“I am a poor boy too … shall I play for you …then he smiled at me.” What a beautiful message.
At the same time, I have to say I do not believe that every Christmas song is magical.
This is where my inner Grinch comes out.
Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” makes me long for when all one wanted for Christmas was his two front teeth. That was cute. Hers … not so much.
“Baby It’s Cold Outside” was never a favorite of mine. This year was the first time I’d heard complaints about it’s rather blatant innuendoes. Should it be banned from the airwaves because of them? I’m never a fan of censorship for content. Maybe we can ban it for being dumb instead?
“Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” was funny the first time. And maybe the fourth. By the tenth, I want to throw the singer under the hooves, too.
“Santa Claus is Coming to Town” gave me the creeps as a child. He sees you when you’re sleeping? He knows when you’re awake? Yikes. I never really trusted Santa after that.
“The Twelve Days of Christmas” makes my awful list for a variety of reasons, including tedium. By the time they reach the 12th day, I’m wondering if it would be wrong for the maidens milking to take up archery with all the dang birds flying around.
“We Wish You A Merry Christmas” is fun to sing if caroling or in a choir. As a listener, I got it the first time. Thanks. Move on.
Now there are some parody songs about Christmas that I find endlessly entertaining. Bob Rivers Twisted Christmas has a song to the tune of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” that is called “The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen.”
“The restroom door said gentlemen, so I just walked inside. I took two steps and realized I’ve been taken for a ride. I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied. By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse. What could be worse? Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.”
As one can imagine, his trip to the restroom didn’t go as planned.
At any rate, if one should see me in a store, and I’m wearing earmuffs or headphones and don’t speak when spoken to, know that come January, when Mariah Carey is back in her den and we’re safe for another year, I shall come out of my self-imposed auditory exile and be merry again.
(Schellhammer is the Era’s associate editor. She can be reached at marcie@bradfordera.com)
