FAMILY: A reader shared several tips for spending time with elderly family members.

1. Whether or not they have a hearing problem, look directly at them when talking to them.

2. When you shake their hand or give them a hug, do it gently. Older bones break easily.

3. If they are using a cane, walker or wheelchair, do not call at them from across the street or behind them. It will distract them and they could easily fall and get hurt.

4. Do not constantly tell them, “yes, you told me,” “I already heard that,” “we already talked about that,” etc. We don’t always remember everything the way you think you do.

5. If helping us with groceries, do not expect us to speed around the store and then help carry the heavy bags. We are slowing down and our strength is not always good.

6. Do NOT offer to help do our hair, wash our dishes, make our beds, etc. unless you are positive we need and want help.

7. If they ask you to help them plan their short future, whether or not you liked discussing funerals, nursing homes, etc., help them. They may know some things you don’t and you can help them make choices but in a gentle, positive way.

8. Don’t buy the latest fashion for them for holidays or birthdays. The best thing is to give them give certificates for various stores. Sometimes food stamps just isn’t enough or they are past caring about fashion and fads.

9. Take them out for lunch once in awhile at their favorite restaurant or have dinner delivered to their home. Eat with them and chat about things they know.

10. If they talk a lot about the “good old days,” listen. You would be surprised what you may learn that you never heard before.

11. Tell them you love them and want to care for them. That is more than enough for someone who is lonely and slowly going downhill. Visit them often. How long are you going to be able to do that?

12. Pray for them and with them if they believe in doing it. Prayer does accomplish miracles.